I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
