I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
