ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
