We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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