We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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