my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
