And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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