My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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