All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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