Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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