i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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