I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
