Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
