Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
