apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
