I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
