tell your sister to shave her snatch
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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