I cockslap morals
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
