Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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