He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
