NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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