I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
