So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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