I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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