so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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