I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
