dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
