we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
