Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
