he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
