Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
