oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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