I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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