we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
