'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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