Banned from zoo.
Again?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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