I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
