Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
