There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
