My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
