i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
