Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In other news, I just burned my penis
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
