I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
