Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
