he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
