I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
