So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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