I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
me + whiskey = a bad person
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