I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
