On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
