So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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