I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
