i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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